‘Family violence’ and ‘domestic violence’ are commonly used terms with similar meanings: violent or controlling behaviour that happens between partners or among family.

‘Intimate partner violence’ is about one partner controlling the other, so they can always get their own way in the relationship. This can also be called ‘coercive control’.

Here is a useful definition:

…an ongoing pattern of behaviour aimed at controlling a partner through fear, for example, by using behaviour which is violent and threatening. In most cases, violent behaviour is part of a range of tactics to exercise power and control over women and their children and can be both criminal and non-criminal. Domestic violence includes physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse (Council of Australian Governments, 2011, p. 2).

The big thing to remember about family violence is that it is not just physical violence.

In Tasmania, ‘family violence’ is defined as any of the following:

• Physical assault
• Sexual assault
• Threats, intimidation or verbal abuse
• Coercion
• Emotional abuse
• Economic abuse
• Abduction
• Stalking

All these acts are defined as criminal by the Family Violence Act (Tasmania) 2004.

What is Intimate Partner Violence? 

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is violence or abuse used by a current or former intimate partner. An intimate partner refers to someone you have dated (once off, casually or seriously), a partner you have or have not lived with, or someone you have married or been in a long-term relationship with. Relationships of a transactional nature, such as through sex work, are also considered an intimate partner relationship. 

Intimate partner violence most frequently looks like violence and abuse used by men towards women. 

In a relationship where there is IPV, one person uses power and control over another. This is achieved and maintained through patterns of behaviours that are violent, threatening, coercive or controlling. IPV may cause: 

• Psychological 

• Emotional 

• Sexual 

• Spiritual 

• Physical, and/or 

• Financial harm 

IPV may include behaviours that are physically and non-physically violent and abusive. IPV includes experiences of coercive control. Common behaviours or tactics used by abusive partners are often driven by possessiveness and obsession. They may look like: 

• Constant monitoring and regulation of everyday activities such as phone calls, social interactions and clothing 

• Constant put downs and criticisms 

• Limiting access to household or joint finances 

• Criticism of parenting skills 

• Disrespectful behaviour in front of children and others 

• Threatening the safety of children and pets 

• Physical violence such as hitting, slapping, pushing, restraining, punching or breaking personal belongings 

• Sexual abuse, such as making their partner engage in sexual acts when they don’t want to, or using cultural or religious beliefs to justify forcing them to have sex 

• Blaming their abusive behaviour on their partner 

• Surveillance using smartphones, social media and other technology 

• Continuous abuse post-separation, including abuse facilitated by shared care of children. 

What is Family Violence? 

Family violence is a broad term often used to describe violence and abuse that occurs in family relationships. Family relationships can be relationships between parents, siblings, grandparents and other kinship relationships. Relationships between carers, foster carers and co-residents in residential domestic settings (for example, in shared housing or supported accommodation) can also be considered family relationships. 

Violence and abuse in intimate partner relationships is often referred to as family violence as well as intimate partner violence. 

In Tasmania, the Family Violence Act 2004 defines family violence as violent and abusive conduct committed by a person against their spouse or partner. 

Family violence is the term preferred by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people because it acknowledges that violence can occur across extended family networks. 

Engender Equality specialises in providing trauma-informed therapeutic services to people in Tasmania who have experienced intimate partner violence. We are currently unable to support people who have, or are, experiencing family violence occurring in other kinds of family relationships. If you are seeking support for experiences of family violence that are not intimate partner violence, you can contact the following 24/7 services: 

• 1800 RESPECT 

• Full Stop Australia 

These are some common behaviours which are used in relationships to control spouses and partners. If any of them are happening to you, they could be called family violence.

• The use of patterned behaviours that cause feelings of fear or intimidation to control you
• Yelling and screaming
• Insulting you, calling you names or swearing at you, treating you with contempt, ignoring or laughing at your opinions
• Intimidating or scaring you, trying to make you feel afraid, including unspoken threats and threatening body language
• Breaking or throwing things, punching walls or doors, driving angrily
• Pushing or holding you, stopping you from leaving the room
• Trying to make you feel stupid or wrong, turning things around so you feel like it is your fault, blaming everything on you
• Micromanaging your behaviour, especially around:
  • where you can go and who you can see
  • who you can talk to
  • housekeeping, cleaning, cooking
  • how you parent and discipline your children
  • your appearance
  • sex

• Stopping you, or making it very hard for you to see or talk to friends or family
• Restricting your access to money, making you live on a tight budget, making you justify the money you spend, stopping you from seeing or accessing bank accounts
• Surveillance, stalking or following you
• Checking or controlling your phone or social media without permission, putting apps on your phone that you don’t want
• Using pressure or guilt to make you have sex, including ‘make-up sex’
• Hurting, or threatening to hurt, children or animals
• Acting unpredictably, so you never know when the next threat or explosion is coming and you have to “walk on eggshells”
• Choking, suffocation and strangulation
• Presence of weapons to cause feelings of threat or intimidation
• Threat of suicide and other self-harming behaviours to control

Abusive partners will often say they were forced to do these things because your behaviour made them or they were trying to defend themselves. Ask yourself, do I really have the power to make them do things? Are they as scared of me as I sometimes am of them?